by Anne Cornelis – Futur Soi Coaching – February 3, 2026

What if failing was the solution?!

I lost myself trying to do what was expected of me.
And it took me 30 years to find myself again.


I grew up in a strict and dysfunctional home where perfection was demanded and mistakes were not tolerated. 
 
As a child, I did everything I was asked to do. Even when it went beyond my role as a child. Even when I couldn't take it anymore.

Maybe that's why, at a very young age, I was passionate about psychology. I wanted to understand human behavior, the mechanisms of the brain, and how we function.
 
Obviously, when I was denied the choice of my studies, I continued to play the role of the "perfect" teenager. Studious, obedient, a good student.

My father, strict and uncompromising, did what he thought was best for his children, like many parents. And maybe that was the problem. For that generation, children had no right to speak; adults knew better.
So I followed a path that didn't suit me. Without being able to makemyvoice heard.

I had to work hard, for hours and hours, trying to cram in subjects that my brain had no interest in 😅
But,

Disappointment was not an option.

My "misfortune" was to succeed...

Succeeding...despite everything... at what cost...
Every year, it was the same scenario. I spent all my summers studying for hours and hours, cramming subjects that I found repulsive. Every year, I had to retake most of my exams in the second session... and every year, I passed...

One day—and it wasn't that long ago, either 🙃—it hit me 🤦‍♀️ 

What if,instead of succeeding, I had allowed myself to fail?! 

What if, instead of persevering blindly, I had failed a second semester, my first year (which I repeated halfway through, by the way), or my second year... (I'm from the generation when it was still called candidature and licence at university 😜
That would have proven to my parents that these studies really weren't for me.
 
What would have happened?

Maybe they would have let me do what I wanted to do anyway, study psychology?!
Maybe not, and I would have been considered unfit for university. Maybe I would have been sent to a vocational school?!
I'll never know, and it doesn't matter anymore. 
 
But what strikes me is that, at a very young age, family and educational conditioning were so strongthat it never even occurred to me tofail!
Even at that age, I refused to acceptthe ideaof failure! When that might have been the best thing that could have happened...

Blame it on conditioning….

“Having to be perfect,” “making an effort,” “pleasing others at all costs,” etc. all stem from injunctions (these restrictive messages from Taibi Kahler) that are so deeply ingrained that they continue to haunt us into adulthood and cause significant damage.
 
In a society where performance is idolized, where we are constantly improving our weaknesses and shortcomings, our abilities and skills, we cut ourselves off from our feelings. We cut ourselves off from ourselves.
 
What if failing was actually a sign that something wasn't right for us? That our head, our mind, was not aligned with our body and our heart. A sign that we would do well to listen to.

This would prevent us, years later, from:

• Feeling lost, feeling empty inside, missing out on life
• Repeatedly sabotaging oneself 
• or the opposite, to say the least, overdoing it
• Having anxiety, constant stress
• Exhausting oneself, sometimes to the point of burnout
• Not being able to trust yourself, putting yourself down, underestimating yourself...

So, breaking free from family and educational conditioning became my mission! I suffered so much from this conditioning as a teenager and then as an adult. I also spent years searching for a job that would fulfill me completely.

Fortunately, I was able to find it through coaching and motivational neuroscience. And ultimately, my journey has led me to where I am today, to being the coach I aspire to be. With my personal background, my professional experiences, and yes, even my scientific mind!

I am proof that it is possibleto break free from this conditioning, to finally flourish, fulfill one's aspirations, and achieve the life one desires.

Listen to yourself…

So, if you are one of those people who, no matter what they undertake, succeed even if it doesn't quite suit them or costs them a lot of effort 👉 let yourself fail!
Failure may just be a sign that you are not heading in the right direction, and that you need torealign yourselfwith your natural skills and true aspirations.
Work on your excellence, improve what you already do well naturally, what you love. You'll be inflow. What gives youpleasure is your compass! Follow your heart.
The world surely needs you, not a watered-down version, but your uniqueness, your singularity...

My coaching tips:

Themottofor February 💘

With Valentine's Day approaching, I wanted to set an intention for this month, not as yet another command, but as a reminder to return to oneself:

✨ Listen to yourself and reconnect with your inner self
🔥 Trust yourself and believe in yourself,
💖 Give yourself a break... and love yourself

Deconditioning can be a long and difficult journey.
That's why I createdthe Futur Soi Coaching community, a space to practice in a caring and safe environment and to support each other:

I am organizing variouslive eventsto address this type of topic in February 2026 and throughout the year.

To find out what your limiting beliefs are and how they impact your life, take the test.

Share this article with a friend ...